Expensive Annie: I’m a school sophomore, and I’m in a troublesome spot with my greatest pal. We’ve been shut since freshman 12 months. We do every part collectively, from late evening research classes to weekend espresso runs. However not too long ago, issues have began to really feel strained, and I believe I do know why.
We each like the identical man.
He’s in one in all our courses, and we have now all frolicked as half of a bigger group. He’s humorous, good and straightforward to speak to. I’ve caught him making eye contact with me throughout the room and lingering in dialog once we are alone. I actually thought there is perhaps one thing there.
However then my greatest pal confided in me that she has an enormous crush on him. She doesn’t understand how I really feel, and now I have no idea what to do. I wish to be a supportive pal, however I additionally can not ignore the emotions I’ve developed. I’m afraid that if I inform her the reality, it would really feel like a betrayal or injury our friendship.
Ought to I maintain my emotions to myself and let her have an opportunity? Or ought to I be sincere and threat hurting her? I’ve by no means been in a scenario like this earlier than, and I don’t wish to lose both of them. — Torn Between Friendship and Feeling
Expensive Friendship and Feeling: Liking the identical particular person as your greatest pal is hard, but it surely occurs extra usually than you assume. You haven’t completed something incorrect by having emotions, however what you do subsequent issues.
Ask your self what means extra to you, your friendship or the potential for one thing with this man. In case your emotions are sturdy and also you imagine he feels the identical approach, you would possibly contemplate telling your pal gently and actually. However whether it is only a crush, it could be wiser to let it go and keep away from rigidity.
No matter you select, lead with kindness, keep sincere and shield what issues most.
Expensive Annie: My daughter not too long ago received engaged, and whereas I wish to be pleased for her, I’ve critical considerations about her fiance. He’s moody and dismissive, and I’ve seen him converse to her in ways in which really feel demeaning. She brushes it off and says I’m being overly delicate. I don’t wish to destroy our relationship, however I’m struggling to remain silent once I see pink flags.
Do I converse up once more or keep out of it and hope she figures it out on her personal? — Involved Mother
Expensive Involved: It’s extremely tough to look at somebody you like decide to a relationship that raises pink flags. Your instincts come from a spot of affection and safety, and your daughter is fortunate to have somebody who cares so deeply.
That stated, there’s a fragile stability between expressing concern and risking injury to your relationship. You’ve already voiced your worries, and she or he is aware of how you are feeling. Repeating them now could solely push her additional away and make her extra defensive.
As a substitute, keep shut. Be a gradual, protected presence. Let her know you’re all the time there to speak — no judgment, no “I advised you so,” simply open arms. If issues unravel, she’ll want somebody she trusts to lean on. You may be that particular person by protecting the traces of communication open and filled with compassion.
And bear in mind, individuals usually study probably the most by residing by their very own experiences — not by being advised what to do.
Ship your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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